Shut The Fuck Up

People don't know how to behave anymore. I tried to use a gas station bathroom last night in Norman, crime capital of the world, only to discover that the Norman Police department has requested gas stations close Craphouse Central promptly at 9:00pm. Is this some sort of anti-bladder conspiracy? No, it is in reaction to the number of Hazmat teams called out to gas stations in recent weeks to remove heroin debris. Thanks, Spud! Because you don't have the decency to shoot up at home like the rest of us, I had to hold my piss until I got back to Oklahoma City. I timed it, too. I peed for 1 minute 2 seconds. It felt great.

People don't know how to act. I'm guilty of it, too. Come on, is that an appropriate title for a blog post? Anyone at all can wander into my site and come face to face with angry Japanese pop icons and overly-salty language. No warning, either. And being that the word "bible" is in my website name, I get more than my fair share of people following Google searches for "bible stories," "bible jokes" and, my personal favorite, "vacation bible school." Sorry, everyone. I don't know how to act.

But this trend is not just limited to the Internets and gas station pissers. I encountered it at Othello's Open Mic last night. First off, it was a huge success. So many people showed up that we had to bring in chairs and tables from the patio, and there were still people standing up. And everyone seemed to be having a good time. I hope that continues. I'm so glad that people are enjoying this event, and I'm so grateful to everyone who came out last night. So please understand that I am coming from a place of love and gratitude when I say to you: SHUT THE FUCK UP! There were some people at the show last night that would simply not be quiet.

And I bear some of the blame in this matter, too. I went up first, and was surprised by the amount of talky-talky. But I gave the crowd the benefit of the doubt. I just naturally assumed that once they got settled in, that the audience would SHUT THE FUCK UP and watch the show. And most of them did. The thing is, it doesn't take that many people talking to make a lot of noise and drown out the performer. But at no point in my set did I shout at the audience "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Perhaps I should have. Anthony and I were discussing stage personae after the show, and I think I might be the guy who shouts "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" at the audience.

Would you like to hear the set? Okay, I think we can do that. It's pretty noisy, and you'll notice how I stop caring halfway through my set. That's the mark of a true professional, people. Not a lot of new stuff. In fact, most of it came from my set at the Comedy Fight Night. In case you didn't hear, Leah won the shit out of that contest. What a bitch. Anyway, here's the set from last night. But be forewarned: it's wicked-long.

Othello's: 04/03/07 - Download.

You've Seen This Bullshit Once Before

Some old stuff, some new stuff. I think it went well. Not as many laughs as I would like, but I'm not going to be happy unless at least four people piss themselves. Four. Anyway, it was a good crowd, and I was happy to be their first comic of the night.

On Tuesday, however, I will be in Norman, at Othello's, for their brand-spankin' new Open Mic. It's on Campus Corner, near Buchanan and White. It's free, so come check it out. We're starting at 9:30.

In the meantime, I gave birth to an audio file. Congratulations! It's an MP3!