Turn Down All The Lights. I'm Just Along For The Ride.

Saturday was interesting.

I started the day with a ridealong with a policeman friend of mine in small-town Oklahoma. I was surprised at the wide array of big city problems (read: drugs) that he had to deal with, and the ridiculously tiny amount of funding he had at his disposal. I was shocked that this man, who I knew first as a freelance graphic designer and photographer, would be willing to risk personal injury and death for a salary that is, for lack of a better word, insulting. But he looks forward to his time in uniform (he still does freelance graphic work by the way, because his family has gotten pretty used to being able to, what's the phrase? Oh yeah, "eat food and live in a home."). He's committed to making a positive difference in the community he patrols. There's a certain level of cynicism, obviously, in regard to the criminal justice system in practice, but the fact that he is still out on the street, knowing what he knows about "how the sausage is made," is amazing. I don't have that kind of devotion to anything yet.

I followed up that eye-opener with a first birthday party for the daughter of two of my dearest friends. If you've never been to a child's birthday party, let me offer a piece of advice: bring a kid. Or a date. But there's something very creepy and voyeuristic about being a single adult at a party filled with kids and couples. For the second time that day, I felt like I was experiencing a completely foreign world view. Four generations were represented at the party, and it was cool to see the connection between past and future. And I felt a little disconnected from it, like I was an observer only, not a participant. It is a strange feeling. I was torn between wanting to get off the bench, so to speak, and my more natural inclination toward introspection and reflection. But I'm about as far away from marriage and family as I've ever been in my life, and I feel pretty good about that. But I heartily applaud those of you out there who make it work, no matter what your situation of configuration. I hope, someday, to experience that kind of devotion.

I Don't Know Where I Am But I Know I Don't Like It.

I hate the mall. I hate the noise, the crowds, the prices, the parking lots. Everything except the pretzel place. In the past, the mall has been particularly dreadful for me in the Christmas season. It drives me crazy being at the mall, but I always end up there, searching in vain for a present that doesn't suck like Mariah Carey's Christmas album. It really ruins the Christmas season for me.

So, each December I pray that I will finally have the steely resolve necessary to look my friends and family in the eyes and say "I'm not doing Christmas this year. I love you, but I'm neither giving nor receiving presents. Now, who wants Chinese food?" The Chinese food is really just a quick way to change the topic, and nothing makes you forget about holiday tradition faster than a mouthful of Szechuan Green Beans.

I've gone so far as to eschew flu shots to protect against the winter madness, but I always seem to find myself at the mall shortly before Christmas, stuck in a sort of purgatory, where I must languish until I dig through the memories of my loved ones to decide if anyone I know needs a copy of "24: The DVD Boardgame." Thankfully, I was born again early this year, and got myself to Target on Friday night. It's a much nicer way to shop, I think. You've got your cart, there's not a giant fountain creating a constant drone in the back of your mind, and there's just fewer people. So, if I got you something you don't like this year, you know where to take it.

Well, that's not entirely true. There was one item on my list that Target did not have. And it made me sick to contemplate it, but I knew I could find it at Macy's, or JC Penny, or some other "anchor" store. So, I went to the mall on the Saturday before Christmas. I spent 20 minutes in the parking lot. I spent two minutes stuck behind a Lincoln Navigator with the license plate "Howell 5" as they waited for a man to back out who, it turns out, was just putting some bags back into his truck. I got to see Josh Heupel signing autographs, although it might have been Jason White. Someone tried to sell me fake snow. It didn't seem to have a lot to do with anything religious, let alone the birth of a savior.

Here's where I might bring up the crass commercialization of Christmas, or the historical inaccuracies of the story, or even the evil nature of that which is Christmas music. But I won't. I'm going to get off my high horse, and just admit that I like Christmas. Yeah, the mall sucks. Traffic sucks. Fruitcake sucks. But at the same time, I like being with my loved ones. I like giving them gifts. I like Christmas lights and Charlie Brown's Christmas Special. Sure, there's a lot about the holiday that makes me cringe, or even fume. And I would rather sit in silence than listen to Christmas music. But I'm not going to be a dick about it. I'm cutting out the "bah" and the "humbug." I'm remembering the joy of spending time with my friends and family, and the beauty of a savior coming to Earth to bring people gifts that were undeserved but greatly appreciated.

So I say Merry Christmas, and thank you all for being a part of my life. I don't know if I deserve you, but I do appreciate having you in my life.