Waiting On A Sunday Afternoon For What I Read Between The Lines

The following scene actually happened.

It's a Sunday afternoon at the Super Target in Garland, Texas. Kaci and I are on our first date. We had just walked from Starbucks to the Super Target because I forgot the name of the board game "Cranium," and I had to figure it out before the date could continue. Yeah, that's the sort shit that happens when you party with me.

So, as we're walking into Super Target we start talking about east Texas, and I jokingly ask Kaci if she eats squirrel. She replies in the positive. Now, I once dated a girl who ate dog, so I'm not too disturbed by this. However, she goes on to describe the cooking methods, and how squirrel is referred to as "a mess" when one is preparing the meat. I'm shocked, SHOCKED, that there is such a term. I ask aloud as we are walking, "where does a person even get squirrel?"

A woman behind us says "oh, squirrels fall out of trees."

Squirrels fall out of trees.

We don't immediately say anything, because, what the hell do you say? She continues, "I've actually got some squirrel mix here."

And I swear to God, for a moment I think she's talking about some kind of rodent Shake-N-Bake, and I'm about to throw up in my mouth when I see she's talking about a seed mix for feeding squirrels. Perhaps to fatten them up, I wonder?

"Really," Kaci says to the woman. Apparently she deals with crazy better than I.

"Oh yeah, one of the trees in my yard. Last year, two baby squirrels fell out. I bottle fed them and raised them by hand."

"Wow," she says. I still can't speak.

"Uh-huh. They're real small, and hairless. Like little fetuses." LIKE LITTLE FETUSES! I can't talk. I'm not even trying. I've given up. "The girl still comes up to me and lets me feed her, lets me pet her; but her brother is very independent. He's been on his own for almost a year now."

"Oh, that's so cute." Kaci looks at me quickly. I manage to nod.

"Yeah, well, anyway, I just heard you two talking about squirrels, and I thought, 'what are the chances,' right? So, y'all have a good day!" The squirrel lady pushes her cart down the aisle.

Kaci and I look at each other, mouths agape in disbelief.

"Did that really just happen," I finally manage to ask.

"Yeah," she says, "it did."

That's all.

[late edit: Kaci remembers the woman saying "embryos" instead of "fetuses," but I think fetus is funnier than embryo so I'll leave the text as it is]