Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

This weekend marks the 1688th anniversary of Sunday being a day of rest. Congratulations, Sunday! It's been quite a run, with a record number of 87,776 great days of rest behind us. Obviously tomorrow's will be a bit of a disappointment, in that it only lasts 23 hours rather than the regulation length of 24. Tough break, 87,777. Better luck next time.

But why is Sunday the day of rest? What makes it so special? Good question, rhetorical device! The practice began with a decree from Emperor Constantine I (of Rome) that set aside deis Solis Invictis as the official day of rest for the Empire. This was of course good news for the slaves. Although the impending return to a life of forced servitude and crushing labor did tend to put a pall upon Sunday evenings, a tradition which Andy Rooney has ably and joyfully taken on as his own.

Sunday itself is named for Sol Invictus, the ancient Roman sun god born on December 25. December 25 is of course a notoriously popular birthday for some really cool people, and at least one giant turd.

But most importantly, the formal, legal and codified imperial directive that dictates humans must rest is an example of bureaucracy at its finest. And frankly, it's the next best thing to state sponsored irony.

Maybe there's some in the budget for next year.