I've Gotta Talk To You, But I'm So Sick Of Words, Words, Words.

Words matter. Ask Michael Richards. More than thumbs, a useless appendix and .001% of our genetic code, language is what separates from the rest of the life on this planet. Yeah, Dolphins and Whales, I'm talking to you. Screeching in the water at each other doesn't count as language.

Words matter. Like any other tool, they are designed for a purpose, and when you misuse them, you look as dumb as a monkey scratching his ass with a hammer.

For instance, here's how Mr. Marylin Manson was described in a blurb on the front page of myspace.com today:

Marilyn Manson
Rock / Alternative
Los Angeles, CA

Its been four years since his last studio album, the always provocative and *affluent* musician is back with a new studio album entitled, Eat Me, Drink Me (interpret that how you will). The album has all the characteristics of the Manson you expect, and more. Listen to it here on MySpace exclusively before it hits the shelves this Tuesday!

Set aside for a moment the sub-mediocre quality of the text. Admittedly, few people will read it. Look at the words, though. I added the *'s to draw your attention to the use of the word "affluent" to describe Mr. Manson. Below is an entry from Wikipedia, regarding the word "affluent."

Affluent
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Affluent (noun):

* a tributary of a river

Affluent (adjective):

* being wealthy, or in a in a state of affluence
o For those being in an economically favorable disposition in American society, see Affluence in the United States

So, either they're saying he feeds into a river, or he's wealthy. Oh, these kids today with their well-to-do waterway music! Now, what's got me ranting is that the idiots who wrote this garbage most likely scored an even 800 on the SATs, slid through college taking worthless courses and majoring in nonsense like Film and Video Studies without ever stopping to ask any questions or actually learn anything... and now they have jobs where they can possibly influence (or affluence) millions of people.

And that's how we get stupider.

Didn't Mean A Word Of It

What a great crowd this week at the Loony Bin. Usually "I hate women" is the setup for a joke, not a laugh line. Wow. I should point out, again, that I don't actually hate women. Just so we're clear. In fact, most of what I say on stage is a lie. But don't tell anyone.

You can hear my set, short as it is, right here: Listen

You've Made It Pretty Clear What You Like

I have very little to say today. I will point out that I passed the one year mark at my job last week. Didn't see that one coming. And one of my bosses wants to come see me perform sometime. I just hope she respects me in the morning.

Check out last night's funny trainwreck!

And I Swear There's Something Evil In The TV

Anyone who has talked to me in the past six months probably knows just how much I like the show Heroes. It's awesome. Watch it. Watch it and then talk to me about it. Seriously.

I love that show for many reasons, not the least of which is Sylar. He has got to be one of the creepiest, most engrossing villains I've ever seen in literature. That's right, I just called a network television series "literature." Deal with it. It's got me thinking about villains, monsters, and antagonists in general. They're a key part to any story. Without villains and their evil machinations, a story is just a series of occurrences. Boring.

When I was in fourth grade we put on a play based on the story of Pecos Bill. There was something wrong with the script, and even I could tell. It took a while to figure out what it was, but eventually I realized that there was no villain. There was no Shere Khan, no Captain Hook, no big ass shark. We had a tornado for a villain. Boring.

I've tried to inject a little antagonism into my comedy. I really can't believe that it took me this long to see the importance of challenging an audience. I'm not there make friends, after all.

Anyway, blah blah blah. I've got a show on Tuesday and Wednesday next week. Blah blah blah. Oh, also, I've got a video in the Tenth Annual Open Film And Video Screening at the IAO this Friday. Seven o'clock, five dollars, eighth and Broadway in downtown Oklahoma City. Good times.

Until then, feast your eyes on one of my greatest award-not-winning performances ever. Watch it. [Late Edit: Yes, Laura, there was no audio. Thanks for letting me know. I've reposted the performance, with audio, and with a clip of me giving a short, shitty interview at the end. "Enjoy."]

I Know You Love Me, But You're So Fucking Crazy.

I got a kitten last week. She's great. The people at PetSmart named her Winnie, but I call her Po. It's short for POTUS. We're bonding quite well, getting to know each other and all that. Here's a quick rundown of things she doesn't like: my belt; feathers; North Face shoes; my telephone earpiece; carpet; my leg. She's very sweet, though, and I don't think she's quit purring since she's been here.

Also, I had a pretty good set at Othello's this week. Listen, dammit.

Finally, here's the songs I've used for titles of late.

02.21.07
Waiting On A Sunday Afternoon For What I Read Between The Lines
“Interstate Love Song” by Stone Temple Pilots

02.28.07
You've Seen This Bullshit Once Before
“It’s All In The Way That You Trip” by The Prix

03.01.07
I See The Sky Above Me Like A Full Recovery
“What Makes You Happy” by Liz Phair

03.06.07
Tonight I'm Gonna Have Myself A Real Good Time
“Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen

03.07.07
Because I Wanna See People And I Wanna See Life
“There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” (Smiths cover) by Nada Surf

03.08.07
The Present Is A Gift
“Live 4 Today” by Zion I

03.11.07
And You Wonder Why No One's Ever, Ever Talking To You. No One Ever, Ever Needed To.
“D. Boone Free (A Ninth Grade Crime)” by Centro-Matic

03.14.07
You Watched Me Hunt For Tips I Was Obliged To Pick Up From The Passing Trade
“The Fall Of The World’s Own Optimist” by Aimee Mann

03.18.07
Oh, Such A Prima Donna, Sorry For Myself
“Gotta Have You” by The Weepies

03/21/07
There Are Worse Ways For A Guy To Spend His Time
“Rest of My Life” by Rilo Kiley

04.05.07
Shut The Fuck Up
“Nugget” by Cake

04.06.07
Oh, What A Mess. I Wonder Who's Watching Me Now.
“Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell

04.08.07
Spring Came, Rain Fell
“Spring Came, Rain Fell” by Club 8

04.12.07
You Think You're Dialed In? Someone Has To Win. And You Know What That Means? That Means Someone’s Got To Lose. It’s Probably You.
“Cream and Bastards Rise” by Harvey Danger

04.14.07
I'll Keep Digging For Fire
“Digging For Fire” by The Pixies

04.17.07
We Come In, We Go Out The Same Way: Alone.
“What’s Wrong With Alice?” by September 67

04.18.07
Love Is Watching Someone Die
“What Sarah Said” by Death Cab For Cutie

05.02.07
(Bam-A-Lam) Damn Thing Gone Wild (Bam-A-Lam)
“Black Betty” by Ram Jam Band

05.03.07
He Who Fucks Nuns Will Later Join The Church
“Death or Glory” by The Clash

05.09.07
I Know You Love Me, But You're So Fucking Crazy.
“Love Punch” by The Chalets

He Who Fucks Nuns Will Later Join The Church

I feel like I avenged myself tonight. I had a setlist. I had themes. I had callbacks (planned). I had a dead pope joke. By the way, I was feeling reverential this afternoon, and tried to create something that expressed that reverence and respect for God. This is how it turned out. Listen.

By the way, it was Pope Formosus.

(Bam-A-Lam) Damn Thing Gone Wild (Bam-A-Lam)

For the last few weeks, Othello's has been packed. Leah wondered recently if we had created a monster. Perhaps we had. The whole thing had grown and changed in ways we never planned. That's chaos, baby. In fact, last week it was so clogged with people that I didn't even have a seat. It was so loud that I actually shouted "SHUT UP!" at the audience. They didn't shut up, by the way. Then afterwards, Ana told me she was planning to plaster campus and Campus Corner with flyers to try and get more people into the bar. I'm not sure that more people is the answer, but it's not my bar.

I was not really excited about the prospect of more people crowding into the bar tonight, making noise and not paying attention. And as such, I didn't really prepare myself at all. So, I felt like a total douche when a small, attentive crowd showed up for the show. I felt bad about the quality of my performance. Oh, well. I recorded it, though. You can take a listen if you like.

Listen Here