Oh, What A Mess. I Wonder Who's Watching Me Now.

In 2001 I wrote a remake of The Manchurian Candidate. In 2004, some assholes made a remake of The Manchurian Candidate. Was I pissed off? Yeah, a bit. And by "a bit" I of course mean I was totally on the rag for quite a while. Naturally, I do take some joy in the fact that the remake did not even come close to matching the original (sorry, Denzel). Not that I think my version would have been any better. But, it would have been a lot more British. That's neither here nor there.

Speaking of the British, they've also raised my hackles of late. Channel 4, the unwed television mother that birthed out Ali G and the half-aborted mutant Big Brother, is currently working on, get this, a comedy dealing with the foibles of a terrorist cell operating in the U.K.. Once again, I am having my biscuit buttered with the bitter spread of "I Can't Believe It's Not Mine." Yeah, my friends and I (a comedy group that may or may not be called "The Death Tax" or "The Missing Period") wrote and shot a short video dealing with the office politics behind suicide bombing. Coincidence?

And, to complete the trifecta, I surfed over to The Onion today and found this nugget: Viking God Odin Down To Last 4 Worshippers. Check out this rough video, shot by the above mentioned comedy group weeks ago: Odin's Witnesses. What the fuck?

Should I be throwing a major-league hissy over this? Maybe. Or maybe I should be honored to realize that these worthless hacks are no more innovative than my friends and me. Maybe I should be thinking seriously about a career in film, television, or shitty Internet satire.

Or maybe I should start wearing an aluminum foil hat at night to keep the CIA from hacking into my brain with their delta wave generator and downloading all my juicy, precious ideas and selling them to Hollywood... which is probably what has been happening for the last few years. Fuckin' CIA covert ops are always messing up my shit.

Oh well, that's the price you pay for democracy.

I'll be at Othello's on Tuesday and the Loony Bin on Wednesday. I'll be performing, not just hanging out. And Wednesday is another comedy contest, actually. It's all local comics doing their thing. So in case you missed the Comedy Fight Night, you have another chance to watch me lose to Leah. What a bitch.

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Last, I'm calling an end to the bracelet contest. Thanks to all of you who wrote in. All four of you. The outpouring of enthusiasm was astounding. Unfortunately, you were all wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

I was actually thinking about a nice little pink chiffon number with a big bow in the front. I don't know why I was thinking of that particular number. But, I am declaring Laura and Bradchad winners anyway, because... well, why not?

Jeb has been disqualified on the grounds that he's already got one of the bracelets, but I do appreciate his willingness to participate, as well as his rampant greed.

Genevieve has been given an honorable mention for making the odd choice of commenting on facebook instead of bible belt babylon and doing so partially in Latin. If there's a bracelet left over, she gets one.

The "winners" need to contact me about claiming their spoils as soon as possible.