Look Away. I Can't Take Your Reflection.

I'm doing a pretty good job of not destroying myself lately. I've got a clean apartment, a new coffee pot, some tailored suits and ten pages of work done on my thesis. It's funny, but these little things make it easier for me to like myself again. I'm even sleeping better. And I'm getting pretty good at being alone. I'm reminded that it's not altogether easy to be alone. If you don't watch out, you can go crazy from loneliness. Or you might find yourself doing anything, no matter how distasteful, self-destructive and unfulfilling it is, just to make the feeling go away if even for a moment. But it keeps coming back. Loneliness is a symptom, I think, and not a cause. Until you learn to be happy with yourself, solitude will always lead to loneliness and pain. And if you keep chasing that pain away at the expense of your self-esteem, well that's what they call a vicious circle. Of course it all looks easy when some smart "young" man in a tailored suit explains it so rationally, but things are different in the real world. It's not always so easy to make the choices that are best for us. It's not always easy to understand what our motivations really are. And sometimes we make mistakes. It happens. Life's not a sprint, it's a marathon. If you fall down, get up and do better next time.

I think sunlight and caffeine might help.