Chou Chou Chou, Ii Kanji.

Happy VJ Day! Over 50 years ago, we ended our war with Japan and set about rebuilding them to fight communism and eventually purchase lots of flashy, but ultimately unimportant, parts of the United States. I believe it was possibly the last great Republican President, Abraham Lincoln, who said the best way to defeat your enemy is to make him your friend. Of course, that was in the primitive, dirt-faced 19th Century, before we learned that firebombing civilians and dropping atomic bombs is a pretty good way to defeat your enemy, too.

But I keep coming back to Lincoln’s words, and I think there may be some hidden meaning that we’ve been missing. What if he really mean the best way to defeat your enemy is to make him THINK you are his friend and then stab him repeatedly between the ribs as soon as he lets down his guard? I think that may be the key to victory in the GWOT (George Wanted One more Term). I call it the “21 Jump Street Strategy.” As you will recall, the detectives in 21 Jump Street did not bring down drug runners and suicidal teens through sheer brute force, but instead through infiltrating social groups at local high schools to gather evidence and intelligence that they then used to fight crime. It’s brilliant! If only we had trained professionals who knew how to infiltrate terrorist cells and gather information about nascent threats to our shores.

Fortunately the British still do that sort of thing. Sneaky, nasty spy games are how we make ourselves safer in this world. I think the days of angsty little nations picking a fight with the hope of involving the United States are over. No one wants to go toe-to-toe against us anymore. Even nations like North Korea and Iran could only hope to defend themselves against our military advances for a brief time, and perhaps make the cost in American lives so unpalatable that we back down. However, if they were to attack us... well, lots of people know how to read history books. But that doesn’t mean some asshole in an Afghani cave or a small house in Cornwall won’t get a wild hair in his ass and blow up a plane. It can happen. If someone wants it bad enough, it will happen. And it may cause some unpleasant unease, but we may have to rely upon shifty-eyed Richard Grieco types going undercover to try and stop it.