Can’t You Understand, Oh My Little Girl?

Gmail thinks I’m a sad, angry loner. I use Gmail to to make notes about the videos I’m cataloging for my job (it’s a long story as to why, but the short version is: my office was not designed for the job I have to do), and then send the the e-mails to myself. I do that a lot. Between 10 to 20 times per day. As a result, the majority of the e-mails I send and receive include such great key words as: corpse, rage, dead children, anger, fear, destruction, coping, emotional damage, lingering effects, execution, burning cars, and tree-planting ceremony. The best part of all this is how it plays havoc with their marketing information, and even caused them to try and tempt me with sponsored links about anger management classes and finding strength through prayer. I’m curious as to just how massively a concerted effort could contaminate the data that organizations like Google collect. Throw in a few choice words and phrases, like “Salt Lake City” or “toaster oven” for absolutely no reason, and then click through all the absurd links that come back. We could start a network, with code books, and each week would bring a new code word for everyday phrases. Like, “hello” could be replaced by “Johnny Carson” for one week in everyone’s e-mail. Google would think there’s some sort of Gen-X groundswell that needs “Tonight Show” DVDs. Would it be worth it, though? I mean, as corporations go, Google is fairly lacking in malevolence (unless you count their stomach-turning indulgence of the PRC’s fetish for censorship), and perhaps they should be able to make a living without molestation from ungrateful grad students who use their free e-mail every day. And Google does make it pretty easy to ignore their advertisements, so I’m not all that annoyed.

After all, it wasn’t nearly as disturbing as the “Meet Sexy Zombie Singles” advertisement I got last year. And I am NOT meeting any sexy zombie singles without my equally sexy shotgun at the ready.