Make Everything All Right In The Window Of My World

When WIllie Nelson (not THE Willie Nelson) destroys Master Shake’s television, Shake exclaims “hey, that’s my window to the world!” It used to be mine as well. It’s shifted of late to a couple of little, expensive pieces of technology wrapped up in smooth white plastic. Truly, I only turn on my television when I want to watch a DVD or play a video game. I’m not actually one of those people who says “oh, I don’t watch television anymore, and I’m so happy.” I’ve already got the snooty vegan thing going and the pretentious art guy persona, so I don’t need to come up with new reasons for people to punch me. Instead, I download programs from iTunes, and I Netflick such gems as The Adventures of Pete & Pete or Veronica Mars. My news quota is filled through podcasts and websites. It's a different experience, certainly. The main difference is in the way that advertising works, but also my mass media consumption schedule is always in flux. I feel like a bit of an outsider.

I will tell you this one thing I’ve learned as an outsider: George Stephanapoulos is a pussy. I’ll tell you why. Last week, as I watched the Colbert Report on iTunes, there was mention that Stephen Colbert would be performing at the White House Press Correspondent Dinner this past weekend. I thought it was an interesting choice, given his semi-Swiftian use of satire and that his two largest targets-the President and his press corps-would be trapped in a banquet hall sucking down extra-dry martinis as he got his proverbial rocks off. And so it was. I read reviews on the Internet the next day about how he teed off on pretty much everyone in the room. I downloaded the video and watched it with an “oh-my-god-I-can’t-believe-no-one-laughed-at-that” smile on my face. It was funny. Just not to anyone in the room, apparently.

How does this make George Stephanopoulos a pussy? I was listening to the podcast of his This Week show, and during the Sunday Funnies segment he devoted what felt like an entire minute to the lame-ass President & impersonator bit that W did (as though we weren’t already sick of W’s impersonation of a real President) with no mention whatsoever of the Colbert roasting.

Why the omission? It seems that the performance offended some people. They felt that it was not the right place, not the right time. In short, he had violated the evening's decorum. Decorum? Fuck decorum. We have human beings, our fellow citizens and citizens of another country, living and dying in constant danger because this President made terrible decisions and these journalists failed to cast doubt upon the wisdom of the course our country was so obviously taking. Fuck them (the White House Press Corps, just so we’re clear). They deserve a public spanking, the kind that captures the public’s attention and stays in our consciousness for a while. They need a reminder that they have a responsibility to be a nuisance, to doubt what they are told, to question authority, annoy the powerful and eventually arrive at the truth. That’s why we keep coming back, asking them to show us the world. But they need to realize theirs is not the only window we have.