We Love Success More When It's Done

My mom called me on Saturday and depressed the hell out of me, which I thought was impossible to do right now. Not because I’m so damn happy, but rather because I’ve already done it to myself.

Lately I’ve been a bit down about my thesis, and how slow it’s going. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to finish in time, which worries me. The worry then becomes the focal point of my waking thoughts and causes me to lock up and watch DVDs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and eat TVP instead of working. The grim realization that I’ve then wasted that time watching BTVS and eating TVP, and that I now have even less time to finish my thesis, causes me to focus even more intently upon the time I don’t have and how I won’t finish and the spiral keeps spinning until I get vertigo and Jimmy Stewart has to drag me out of San Francisco Bay... Yikes.

So I was couch-bound on Saturday, not working, when Mom calls. She’s a smart lady and she knows me pretty well. She could tell that I was stressed about something, and figured out pretty quickly that it was my thesis. She then said “someday you’ll look back on this and think of it as your carefree, stress-free days.” What the fuck!? I love my Mom, but I kind of wish she hadn’t done that. She then went on to say that the thought of writing a thesis is what made her decide to take comprehensive exams for her M.A. Great. So, Mrs. I-Made-A-4.0-Through-Grad-School-While-Working-And-Raising-A-Family didn’t think she could do what I’m starting to think I can’t do, AND it’s only going to get worse. It made me wish I still drank (side note: turns out I can, but I’m still not).

But I got over it. I realized what she was saying. She wasn’t trying to scare me, or beat me down so much as telling me that this is nothing that I can’t do, and in the great scheme of things it isn’t even that bad. I think that’s what she meant. That’s what I took from it, at least. I’ve been working since then pretty steadily, and I’m excited about my topic (it seems to be a big hit with everyone else, too). I actually had to stop working on it in order to finish the inter-coder reliability stuff for my friend’s thesis (which is, I hope, done). I’ve got some brand new highlighters, a stack of articles, a couple bags of books, and a lot of caffeine (thank you, Sugar-Free NOS!). Yeah... It will be nice to have this all done, but I’m starting to think that the process itself is going to be both a hoot and a holler.

Tomorrow I will be learning about podcasting from an Apple representative, and on Wednesday I’ll be kickin’ it with Ambassador Perkins at his book launch. So, you know, the University life is in fact, pretty frickin’ sweet.

Comments:

I heart Haloscan

I'm glad your mom got some motivation going through you. She sounds like a VERY impressive woman. No wonder you're so intellectual
joy | Homepage | 04.05.06 - 3:10 am | #