Waitin' For A Signal To Change

So, yeah I’ve been whining a bit of late. Whatever. Sometimes it must be purged from the brain. I’m better now.

But a decision looms: what the fuck am I going to do with my life? I’m working on a month-to-month breakdown. March is almost over, but in the time left I will work almost exclusively on the literature review for my thesis. I will also start sending out resumés for jobs (more on that later). April will be the month that I continue working on my literature review and begin thoroughly analyzing and scrutinizing some really terrible movies. In May I will organize the analyses into a coherent examination of culture and subculture (with 80% more tattoos and black leather than most Master’s theses). June will be heavy with writing, and negotiations with my landlord as my lease is up and I will want to switch to a month-to-month arrangement (see a pattern?). July will be the month that I finish my thesis and defend it in front of three of the smartest people I’ve ever met. In August, I’m going to pack up my shit, give some of it away, sell a bunch of the larger items, and put the rest into storage. Once that is done, I’m going to get on a plane headed west.

The question is: how far will I go? There’s two schools of thought on that issue. One option has me getting off of a South West Airlines flight at LAX and starting my new life in LA as an aspiring actor/writer/producer (notice that I left “director” out). The other side of the coin has me changing flights at LAX on my way to teach English in Asia. Both options are pretty pipe-dreamy.

LA gives me the chance to really pursue my dream of writing. And be poor. All good stuff. Asia offers money and some different life-experiences than I would normally have. Plus, I really want to catch my own Pikachu. But nothing is set in stone. I do have some excellent firsthand advice on how to land a teaching gig in Asia, and I do have some great friends already in Los Angeles, but I don’t actually have my plane ticket in my hand yet. But I’m not going to go into any Ph.D. programs until at least the fall of 2007, and I’ve got to do something with my life. Hopefully something more fulfilling than working some crap job here in Oklahoma.

And then there’s Oklahoma. And I don’t say that like “and then there’s my albatross.” There’s actually a lot that makes me want to stay here. And it’s not the weather, nor the third-worldy cost of living. It’s my family. It’s my friends. It’s the feeling that I would be closing the door on some things and some people that I’m not ready to leave behind. I’m being cryptic. Sorry for that. I’ll keep you posted on how things are progressing.

[tying up loose ends at biblebeltbabylon.blogspot.com, xanga.com/moontos and blog.myspace.com/moontos]