I Had Made Up My Mind That There Must Be A Higher Power

I’ve learned some things lately, and not just that Article 2 of the U.S. Constitution provides the legal basis for American foreign policy (although I have it on very good authority that it does). No, what I learned is much more interesting, because it involves me. You see, I’ve discovered that when faced with a real crisis and an ethically ambiguous possible solution, my first thought is not “is this ethical,” but rather “do I have enough time to do this?” Not to draw out the suspense too much, but I’ll answer that question later.

Does this mean I’m less moral than I thought? Maybe. Hell, I shopped at Wal-Mart a week ago, so I’m practically wearing the Mark of the Beast on my forehead. Seriously, I think it probably just means I’m not as strong as I should be. Take for instance Ram Bahadur Bamjan of Nepal, who’s been meditating for the last six months. SIX MONTHS! That’s longer than most jobs (and relationships) I’ve had. And he’s fifteen years old. See, this kid wants enlightenment, wants to maybe become the Buddha. Now I’m no religious scholar, but it seems to me that desiring to become the Buddha pretty much means you won’t. Then again I scored “Taoist” on an Internet religion test, so what the hell do I know? Well, I do know that as desires go, enlightenment is a pretty damn good one to have. Has he really been without food and water for the last six months? Is he the real deal, or is this fakir a faker? I don’t know, but I kind of hope he’s on the up-and-up. Not because I think it would be nice for Tina Turner and Richard Gere to have someone else to hang out with, but because the alternative is pretty depressing. After all, if this kid is all about the Benjamins and not about the Buddhas then he’s no better than me, or the rest of us, and quite frankly I like to believe in a world populated by people better than me, vastly better if possible, if for no other reason than because I know what kind of icky things I’ll do when push comes to cliché. And if this world is teeming with selfish little fish like me then we're in species-wide trouble. Also, seeing the good in others inspires me to be better... and I know that sounds like Oprah's Book Club shit (the first rule of Oprah's Book Club is you do not talk about Oprah's Book Club; the second rule of Oprah's Book Club is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT OPRAH'S BOOK CLUB!), but it has the virtue of being true.

Sadly, I did have enough time to do the unethical thing I mentioned earlier. I had enough time to do it, and I did it well. So, I guess if you’re going to be bad, you might as well be good at it, right? Is that the moral of the story?

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