Here's To What The Future Brings

I've had a pretty strange week so far. Some things changed, others stayed the same, but more than anything else I think I'm the probably not the same person I was four years ago. I think I'm happy about that.

When I was in undergrad here in Norman, I used to drive out to Lake Thunderbird (aka Dirtybird) to clear my head. Generally whatever it was that was bothering me would simmer and stew as I made the 10 mile drive out there, and once I got out of the car to walk around, it would all float out of me like soap out of a sponge. I did that again this week, for the first time in four years, and discovered it doesn't work anymore. I walked around that filthy pond for a good half hour with no relief, just muddy shoes and a less-full gas tank. I don't know if I'm less Zen than I was at 22 or if maybe my problems are more substantial. I would usually offer some bit of hidden logic at this point, but I don't have any. I really don't know. Hopefully the rest of this week will get better (I think I may have caught something from children I was exposed to, but I went to sleep early last night and I have experienced decreasing symptoms, so things are looking up). If it doesn't, oh well. The next portion of this post will be devoted to wins and losses:

Win: I passed a really confusing part of "Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth"
Loss: I'm stuck again
Win: I now have a piss-pot of Cure songs on my iPod
Loss: My iPod is full
Loss: I thought today was the 17th, so I called my Mom to wish her a happy birthday. She was very nice when she corrected me.
Loss: Discovered that the .m4v files from iTunes cannot be burned to DVD or VCD. Grrrrrr
Win: I think my friends are all going to be happy and okay for a while longer, which is all anyone can really hope for
Win: Tonight I had multigrain flaxseed bread from Albertson's for dinner. I dipped some of it in olive oil and ate it over the kitchen sink. Is that a Win or a Loss?
Loss: Discovered that hack Aaron Sorkin also takes some of his titles from song lyrics. *Sigh* I really should stop thinking of myself as creative, original, or interesting in any way.
Win: I have paid all my bills
Loss: Wait, no I forgot about my Bursar bill. Goddamnit.
Win: I got $20 off my prescription at Walgreen's yesterday
Loss: It was still $175

The third portion of this post will be an attempt to determine which is deadlier: Zombies with chainsaws or Zombie Dogs. This is taken from an email I sent to Dave:

Chainsaw-Wielding Zombie vs. Zombie Dogs:

Speed: this one goes to the doggies. Chainsaws are heavy, people only have two legs, and dogs can jump like mother fuckers.

Tenacity: Chainsaws run out of gas and experience technical problems, leading to some serious Zombie-Fatigue. Dogs have nothing better to do than keep on biting. And they won't stop until you blow their goddamn heads off.

Singles: Okay, this one goes to the CWZs. One dog can possibly be dispatched by a well-placed kick, stab, or god-willing, a 9mm parabellum round. A maniacal zombie with a chainsaw requires much more stopping power. Something in the shotgun or grenade family is usually helpful.

Groups: Oh fuck! A pack of zombie dogs will take you to prom and not the easy way, my friends. A bunch of shambling undead with chainsaws, on the other hand, tend to bump into each other, which will balance out their end of the equation, if you catch my drift (those are some new metaphors I'm testing out, let me know if they're helpful).

Sheer Terror Factor (a.k.a. OH SHIT!): Well this one is a toss-up. What's scarier than an inhuman growling coming from the darkened undergrowth all around you? Possibly a distant inhuman scream followed closely by a chainsaw roaring to life. Too close to call.

Worst-Case Scenario: In the WCS we examine how your potential death will rate at the hands of either enemy. This point has to go to the dogs. Whereas a chainsaw usually leads to a pretty quick (and painful) end to your movie, a dog gnawing on your innards is the kind of thing Hallmark makes no cards for (more new metaphors... understandable?).

Final score: Zombie Dogs 4; Chainsaw-Wielding Zombies 1.*

*Anthony justly points out that Zombie dogs can be quite sneaky, lurking and waiting for the right moment to strike, whereas a Zombie with a Chainsaw could only sneak up on folks at Sturgis during the Harley convention or possibly at a school for the deaf.

The final portion of this post is a first for biblebeltbabylon: Pictures!

This is the best lamp ever. That it still eludes my grasp is an unending source of torment and personal shame for me.















It's kind of hard to make out, but this is a picture of the rapture. Seriously, it's like someone disappereard and left all their clothes on the sidewalk. My boss thinks it must be the work of an art student. I think it's more likely Jesus came back and only found one of us who didn't suck.







This is a chair that I found sitting out at Lake Thunderbird. It must be the end result of a very good evening.

Much like this post.